Final Memories

July 1, 2015

Dear Doggy Diary,

Mom fed me peas tonight, right off the vine. Why Abby spits them out, I do not understand…the crunch cannot be surpassed. After the eating of the peas, she hosed me off which always makes me run around the yard like my ass is on fire as I try to shake that cold mess off. It gets a good laugh out of her each time. Then, she did me the kindness of brushing me real nice. The summer heat was making my black hairs fall out in clumps at a rapid rate. As the evening faded into twilight, her and I sat high up on the front steps letting the cool breeze ease us both. My purpose for coming into Mama’s life was finished and this was to be our last night together. Abby and I had talked earlier, and unlike her usual self, she agreed to let us have this time for just the two of us. Mama took the cushion off the chair and we sat outside on those steps sniffing the airs together. There wasn’t a lot of room on that cushion, but I squeezed myself up next to her as close as I could get. Together, we sat quietly in a state of gentle peace. Mama always knew our time together would not be long enough, so she made sure to show me each and everyday how much she loved me. As she has done a thousand times, before she went to bed she tucked me in and kissed my head and said, “Goodnight, Dodger. Mama loves.”

As I lay here now, Mama sound asleep in her bed, I think about how far we’ve come in our almost seven years together. When I first decided she was to be my Mama, her heart was broken in a troubling way. I was the medicine she needed. Tonight, while I know in the hours and days to come her heart will break again, I also know she has what is required to heal. She always told me that I was strong in my tenderness- that my power was in my kindness and in the openhearted, wholehearted way I received her and loved her. I hope she remembers this come tomorrow morning. This is her medicine to give now.

All in love and all for peace,

DodgerDodger and Rachel

Sunday Prayer

I went to church today. My church smells like cedar and tastes like rain. Surrounding me is artwork Divinely made. In church I did not ask for blessings. I am already so awesomely blessed. With a quiet mind, embracing gratitude, I whispered a simple prayer, “Thank you for the hay at the bottom of my purse, in each of my pockets and probably in my hair as well.”

This hay means today I was able to do something that feels on the magnitude of soul’s purpose, life’s work. Mucking out urine soaked straw, carrying sloshing water buckets, and hauling hay in winter rains at early dawn may not seem like the most holy of acts. Yet, it is how I show my appreciation for the gift of their lives and my gratitude for the beauty they bring to mine. This time is sacred time. Grounded and humbled, I act in service to Nature’s creatures. I have no such attitude of wanting to be needed or thinking they can’t live without me. I do it as an act of daily devotion to nurture relationship- a relationship which in time and with patience, allows me to see into their world, to see through their eyes and learn the wisdom they have to teach. Wisdom that balances, heals, strengthens, endures. Nature has so much to offer when we humble our human selves to hear Her teachings.

These relationships, whether with dogs, horses, goats, hummingbirds or plants, bring me joy of the deepest kind, fill me with sweet pure purpose, and at times, send me to my knees in sorrow and grief. But that is how I know it to be my Truth- only one’s heart and soul can ask, urge and provide this much.